The Decision
by binhereb4
Summary: A one off as Dr Lightman wrestles with his emotional issues. - Callian
1. Chapter 1

Hi All, This is my first baby - hope you enjoy. All comments/advise happily received – And – NO Idon't own any part of Lie to ME

Cal sat in the semi darkness. Most of the lights in the office now turned off, and the last of the staff long since gone home.

The soft filtered light of his desk lamp were shining down on the files scattered across the surface. His pathetic attempt at a reason for staying so late at work, as he had so many evenings lately.

Emily was off on her first un parented holiday with some friends. He was concerned obviously, but ultimately he knew his daughter would be ok. Despite everything she had grown up with common sense and he knew he could trust her. No, any fears he might entertain about Emily were fleeting, brief interruptions to the problem he was really struggling with.

Was it even a problem though?

Really it was more of a decision, one he had deliberately put of making for some time now One that was responsible for him sitting here this late at night.

It was had been eating at him for a long time, and now, without Emily as a useful distraction, he knew he had to deal with it.

For the 3rd time in the last hour he abruptly jumped up from his chair and made his way down the darkened corridor to the entrance of the office, her office. Gentlely turning the handle he moved slowly inside. Moving quietly round, he again studied the internal décor. He ran his fingers over the pictures on the wall, pulled open the small drawer on her desk smiling again at the stash of supply of sweet, calorie loaded fast food snacks that were sitting within. Lowering himself into her chair he again caught the faint but familiar smell of her perfume.

Frustration creased his brow. Was being in here really helping him? His frustration grew, he was a man of science, used to making fast, snap decisions based on facts and circumstance and experience. Maybe that's where he was going wrong here. He mentally shook his head and tried to clear his mind of the rubbish. As far as he could tell he had 3 options. A list. A list of pros and cons, that's what it called for.

Gillian.

He could go to her, tell her exactly how he felt. That he was finally ready, capable and wanting to be involved in a proper relationship with her.

He knew she would be willing, a negative response didn't even cross his mind. Time and time again he had caught her looking at him, and he KNEW that look. Her body language, her voice, everything really, told him, had been telling him for some time, that she wanted him.

The pros: Gillian could be so good for him. She alone could deal with his temper, his moods, his complete lack of social tact and diplomacy. Gillian could read him like no other and that was quite comforting.

Emily would be happy he had no doubt of that.

Zoe. He almost laughed, it would really put her nose out of joint. Was that a pro or a con he mused?

On the con side, would he be good for her?

Should she have to put up with his moods and problems?

Any relationship between them would undoubtedly have its ups and downs, she had just come out of one relationship fraught with problems and worries. Did he really want to pull her into another?

Then there was his past. Gillian knew a lot more than most already, but not all, definitely not everything. If they got together she deserved nothing less than full disclosure, total honesty. Could he do that?

Option 2.

He could leave things as they were.

It would save him having to continue to struggle with this issue.

It had worked well for this long, so why mess with it, don't try and fix what isn't broken.

His skeletons could stay safely tucked away, those dark, painful parts of his past that even he found hard to visit.

The amazing and for filling friendship between them that Cal valued so much, would remain.

But the problems with this course of action were obvious. The growing tension between them would still be there.

Despite the unspoken company rules, Cal couldn't help but read her face sometimes. He knew that Gill felt confused and a little hurt when, on the few occasions that fate had conspired to bring them together in circumstances that with just one small move, or the right word, they would finally cross that last invisible barrier that was keeping them apart. But each time it was he that had pulled back, broken the spell. Another lost opportunity.

He hated making her feel like that.

Cal mentally pushed himself forward to the final option.

He could find someone else.

There had to be someone that would be a good match for him. It didn't have to be perfect. A good intellect, sense of humour, honest, warm and caring. The main thing would be that it would convince Gill.

This slightly lateral reasoning that Cal was employing was - if Gillian really believed he had moved on, it would set her free to do the same, because somewhere, deep inside him, he truly believed that she could do better than him. That she deserved someone better than him.

He tried to visualise it. Gillian in the arms of this fictional man, laughing, gazing into his eyes happy and contented.

Again he launched himself out of the chair, this time pacing round the office. Could he be that unselfish? Could he really give away one of the few things in his life that he.. .. He what?

It was time for total self honesty. He loved her, and it scared him.

Cal took one deep breath, then another, abruptly the left Gills office and strode purposely back to his own domain. This time he didn't bother to sit, grabbing his coat and phone from his desk he left the building.

Driving through the darker side roads he finally pulled up outside the path that led to Gills front door.

It was really quite late now, would she still be up?

Quietly he walked the few paces along the private path until he was standing outside her door.

Her lights were still on and he had made his decision.

Taking one final step forward he pressed his finger on her door bell.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Here it is then folks – next chapter of what was gonna be a 1 off..**_

_**Hope you enjoy and thanks for your kind comments…**_

_**I have NO rights/ownership of Lie To Me (Damn)**_

* * *

**_TheConfrontation_**

**The door opened, fractionally, just enough for Cal to catch a brief glimpse of surprise and pleasure on the face of the woman he loved.**

**Giving her no chance to recover herself Cal virtually pushed his way through the small opening giving no regard to the sharp intake of breath he left in his wake.**

**Reaching the middle of the living room Cal turned and faced Gillian who had only just finished closing the door**

**"So Foster, do you make a habit of opening your door this late at night, not knowing who is on the other side – or were you expecting company? – should I leave?"**

**"Good evening Cal. Would you like a drink?" Gill had finally come to her senses and was trying to gauge his mood, and therefore the reason for this unexpected visitation.**

**"Well that answers the second part** **of my question at least, Yeah, a large one, still waiting for an explanation on the first part tho" Cal discarded his coat by throwing over the back of the nearest chair.**

**Gill handed him a well filled glass and then sat on her couch "Problem Cal?"**

**"Evasion Foster"**

**"Sit down Cal. You standing menacingly in the middle of the room like that is not exactly conducive to any kind of conversation – and no! is my answer because the ONLY person that would turn up at this time of night expecting me to answer the door, is you" She finished her sentence with a fixed, sweet smile and a patting motion with her hand on the couch.**

**Cal slumped into the comfort of the cushions and indulged in a few large gulps from his glass. "Why do always assume a have a problem Foster?"**

**"Cal, please, you always have a problem – problems- but this one has been obvious to the whole office for the past few days now"**

**Snapping his head round to face her he realised she was grinning, "What are you going on about woman?" He felt slightly panicky now, surely not – she couldn't possibly have worked it out, NO WAY.**

**"Cal" Gillian put on her best 'psychologists' voice on "for the past 3 to 4 days you have been staying later than normal at the office, jumping down everyone's throats more than normal, positively slaving over paperwork yet not actually doing any of it – AND – for the past 3 to 4 days your daughter has been away on her first unsupervised holiday, out of your reach, out of your sight and out of your control.**

**It's not hard to work out what all this is about sweetie" she finished her summation of the situation with a soft laugh, her hand on his and a quick kiss to his temple.**

**Cal only just managed to suppress a howl of laughter as his panic and accompanying tension immediately dissipated. God, was that what she thought this was all about?**

**He found himself feeling grateful that for once Gillian had read him and go it completely and utterly wrong.**

**The brief respite from tension was short lived however when the real reason for his presence here returned to the fore front of his mind.**

**The solidity of his decision was starting to dissipate as the fear built up.**

**He was so certain he could do this when he had his finger pressed on her doorbell, but now, with the stark reality of actually sitting here, facing her, the whole structure of his commitment was beginning to collapse around him allowing, yet again the questions and doubts he had previously done battle with, start to gain a foothold.**

**Would it work with them?**

**Was he good enough for her?**

**What if it went wrong and he lost not only his dreams but her as well?**

**Oh God was he really that weak willed that he could back out now? Cal Lightman – a COWARD. Shit his head hurt, but the temptation was there now because unknowingly Gill had provided him with an out, an alternate reason for his visit here tonight – Emily.**

**Lost in his own tangled thoughts he had not realised the length of time he had remained silent until Fosters voice broke through.**

**"Cal, it's ok, it's perfectly natural for you to be feeling this way, but you have to get a grip on it sweetie. She will be fine, Emily is an intelligent, well reasoned young woman, and, like her father, she can handle herself. Trust her Cal, just trust her"**

**"Yeah I know luv, I know. And I do. I guess I just needed to hear it" he faked relaxation, noting the same but genuine reaction from Gill.**

**Cal felt totally deflated and sad. Then he felt the irritation start, shit he was a piece of crap, where was his dedication to the truth now.**

**Fighting the annoyance that only he was responsible for he threw the last of his drink down his throat, jumped up, grabbed his coat and started making for the door.**

**"Gotta go Foster"**

**He got so close to making his escape when he heard Gills soft dulcet tones again**

**"You don't have to go Cal"**

**"What" he spat out.**

**"Stay for a while, you've hardly said more than 20 words since you got here, sit down and talk to me, what's the rush?"**

**No No NO Cals brain was screaming at him, don't do it**

**"Well you've hardly let me get a word in have you Foster. Once again you have sorted my problem out – Thank you by the way – End of... Nuffin left to talk about really is there?"**

**Gill was sitting staring at him, her gaze was quizzical but with growing concern.**

**"I don't know Cal, because you are looking like a man that still needs to talk – about something. What…what is it Cal? Because I am beginning to feel that Emily is not the whole reason you came here tonight.**

**Is there something else?.....Cal?.....Please sweetheart, what is it?... come back here, sit down, talk to me" her voice was sharing the concern that was on her face now.**

**Bollocks! Cal thought, so nearly there. But now he knew he had to stay. He could not walk out on her again leaving in this state of doubt and confusion.**

**Very slowly he walked back to the couch shrugging off his coat as he did so.**

**"You're right, as usual luv. How about a refill first tho – a large one please"**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hi, All.**_

_**Thanks for all your reviews and comments, they are all really special to me. Sorry for the little 'problem' with the wrong chapter being added earlier- still getting used to the systems on this site, hope I didn't confuse you all too much…Heres the next chapter then, please enjoy..**_

_**No – I own nothing of "Lie To Me"**_

'_**The Truth will Out'**_

_**Cal sat and immersed himself in the dark liquid that he was swilling round in his glass.**_

_**Decisions..**_

He was used to making them everyday:

Truth or lie

Coffee or tea

Pick on Torres or Loker

Take a case or not.

In every case once he had made is decision, he always stuck to it, but this….

It's not like he hadn't had enough time either.

From the first day he met her Cal had been trying to work out what to do about _**Foster.**_

Thinking back it became almost ironic, if he had made his decision _**then**_ ..

But he hadn't, and then life had got in the way:

His Marriage to Zoe…

Her Marriage to ..Dickhead…

The Lightman Group…

His divorce

Her divorce

_**LIFE **_

That was the past however, and he needed to sort out what was happening right here and now!

No more prevarication, no more deflections or evasions..

Just DO IT MAN.

The patterns in the alcohol continued to hold a fascination for him however, whilst this man of science, this so called Genius of words, struggled to find the next one that should come out of his mouth…

**Gillian sat in quiet contemplation of the man sitting next to her.**

Studying his face in the silence she could easily see that he was struggling with whatever had brought him back to her couch.

Fighting the very strong desire to reach and caress away the tension that was so evident in his jaw line, she remained still – and silent.

Gillian had no problem with this course of action. – there were times when she instinctively knew that Cal needed gentle prodding, subtle encouragement to 'open up' with whatever problems he was dealing with, but this wasn't one of them.

What he needed now was time, and she was happy to let him have it, however long that took she didn't mind.

Patience (as Cal had so often pointed out) was one of her virtues.

As much as she wanted to spend this time looking at him, studying him, Gillian knew that she would have to fight the urge.

He would sense that, and could mistake it as her trying to rush him, so she resisted.

Instead she lay her head back on the back of the couch and started to lose herself in gentle meandering of fleeting, whimsical, random thoughts, and waited.

It had initially crossed her mind to try and work out what Cal was so desperately fighting with, but, with great effort, she decided that that was going to get her nowhere fast. It would, she concluded, just stress her out, make her as anxious and tense as Cal appeared to be.

One of them needed to stay calm and relaxed, and, as usual, it would be her, so that when he finally felt able to open up and let her in on his latest problem, so could be strong and reasoned for him.

"Gillian – Gill.."

Here we go then she broke her own, internal trance and faced Cal with her usual calm smile….

"Yes Cal, did you want another top up, or are you ready to talk now?"

" I've got this problem..Well apart from Em of course, but that is going to be an going thing really isn't it, a kind of 'the rest of my life' scenario..No, this is something else – completely different, and important – Not that Em isn't important of course but – Oh Christ I am really babbling like some local village idiot here aren't I?"

Gillian threw her head back and laughed.

This was bordering comical. There was this normally strong, decisive man who suddenly was talking, and acting like some school boy, it was irresistible. She noted that Cal was grinning now too, a sheepish little grin that instantly told her that her laugh hadn't annoyed him, that he too could see the slightly quirky side to this scene.

"Cal, sweetie – take a deep breath, relax and try again"

"Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say, you haven't just made a complete arse of yourself have you?"

"Come on Cal, give – what on earth can it be that you are having such a problem with?"

"**You**, Gill luv"

Those 3 three single words, and the total change in voice tone ripped through her like a lightening bolt.

"ME, I..I don't think I understand…."

Cal suddenly shifted up the couch until he was just about a foot away from her. He took one of her hands in both of his and bolted his eyes onto hers.

"Look, I have just sat there and gone through a million different ways to try and do this, but…**I love you woman**, have done for, well, bloody ever I think, and I think you feel the same, and I think we have both been dancing around these – our feelings – for too long now.

I just can't do that anymore luv. The bloody rules, lines, boarders whatever you want to call them have served there purpose, but I don't want them any more. Now, they are just getting in the way of something I want to get to, You. Us.."

His eyes never left hers once during his whole speech, and now he was waiting.

For her.

He needed her to respond and his face was intense, pained, desperate for her reaction to what, she now realised, was probably one of hardest confessions he had ever had to make. …..


	4. Chapter 4

**So, Here it is – the last Chapter to this particular Story. I really hope you have enjoyed it. I still have Christmas Tales running and will be starting a new Adventure very soon. **

**Thank you all for your kind comments and reviews, and I hope to see you on board when my next tale launchs………**

**USUSAL : Lie to Me – Not mine – Having said that, should I ever win big on a lottery I would definitely try and buy me a piece of THAT pie!!!!!!!!!**

'_**Practise – Mrs Lightman'**_

**Gillian wanted to be able to answer Cal quickly as it was hard for her to see the look of, almost fear on his face as he waited for her response. **

**But this was so serious, probably the most important answer she would ever have to deal with in her life. **

**There was so much at stake; so much to win but so much that could be lost as well.**

**She leaned into his body and felt his arms wrap around her. Eventually she found herself with her face buried into his abdomen, the rest of her body pulled up into almost a foetal position.**

_"**Give me a few moments Cal, please"**_

**He made no verbal response, but merely started gently stroking her hair with one hand whilst the other draped over her shoulders and let his fingertips made little patterns on her back.**

**Gillian knew this time would come, had known for a ****while because there was no doubt of their feelings for each other. **

**Before there had always been the barriers that had kept them from each other. **

**At some point it had been given its title "The line" and she had taken the blame for that, it was always 'HER line' apparently. **

**This 'so called' line though had originally, way back, been decided upon by BOTH of them, and had only applied to the reading of each others faces, voices etc.**

**Somehow, other the years it had grown into something of a wall, a tool really that they both used when the mutual attraction they shared threatened to break through. **

**Their respective marriages and the growth of the company had reinforced the wall.**

**Now however, with both of them were devoid of spouses, and the company fairly well established, the wall was surplus to requirements.**

**And that was what had led her to know that it was only a matter of time before one of them got around to pushing it over.**

**Slowly re positioning her body so that she could look up and meet his eyes, she took a deep breath..**

_"_**_I want this as much as you do Cal, for us to be a couple, a proper couple, and I am quite sure you know that, but I am scared."_ **

**She felt him tense fractionally but he continued his silence, allowing her to have her say.**

_"**Many of my fears are probably irrational, but I don't think they all are. There would be problems, and I don't think even you can deny that"**_

_"_**_But we deal with problems everyday day Gill luv, always others peoples I grant you, but we can deal with any of our own that might crop up surely…"_ **

**Gill found herself grinning just a little, that Cal had not been able to keep up his 'I'm gonna stay quiet and listen to you' attempt.**

"**_Quit talking Lightman, it's supposed to be my turn remember"_ **

_"_**_I just…"_ He tried to continue but halted when he was subjected to the 'Foster Hand'**

_"**We are not adept at dealing with our personal problems Cal because for years now we have done everything we can to avoid doing just that. **_

**_We have dodged it, avoided, evaded, danced round, used every trick in our respective, extremely large arsenal of tricks to stay away from the subject of – us"_**

**She reached up and playfully shook his chin a little, allowing a delicate smile to play on her face.**

_"**And don't you dare try to tell me I'm wrong"**_

**Cal softened his face and returned her smile with one of his own, unique, mischievous grins.**

_"**Got NO idea what you talking about"**_

_"**Cal, don't go trying to charm me out of this conversation. **_

**_So, I have fears, and doubts, and I think I would be stupid not have them. _**

**_Aren't I the one that has always been sensible, the one that stops to see the consequences of your impulsive 'jump in and hope there is a safety net somewhere' actions?"_**

_"**I think a little dramatic …."**_

_"_**_And it is also the truth..and you know it! You have called it 'smothering', 'Mothering', 'Interfering' and a few other things that I chose not to bring up right now – I can't change that part of me Cal, anymore than you could change, - well- you…Are you still going to be saying those things to me if we have a relationship? Or are you likely to start calling it something else_?"**

**Cal bent down and kissed her lightly on the mouth, barely lifting his head more than a few centimetres he whispered,**

_**"I'd call it being a wife"**_

**Gillian jumped up so quickly that she nearly overbalanced, and Cal only just got his head out of the way in time.**

_"**Marriage! You're talking about marriage… I thought we were discussing a possible relationship – how did we skip straight to marriage?**_

**Seemingly unconcerned with the explosive movement, and the fact that Gillians voice had jumped up several levels, he continued to lounge in the couch, turning his head to one side, his wicked grin grew wider.**

_"**Sorry, did I forget to mention that bit earlier? Can't be livin in sin Foster, whatever would Emily think?"**_

_"**You really are crazy aren't you!.. Crazy …crazy…crazy…"**_

**The repeated word faded as Gillian turned on her heel and stalked towards the kitchen.**

**Cal started laughing, thou he made sure it was silently, stifling any possible audible escapes with his hand.**

**Gillian was slamming things around in the kitchen, cups, the kettle, jars, cutlery, when felt his arms slide round her waist and his head snuggle into her neck. She felt his warm breath as he stared to speak.**

_"**I wasn't meaning immediately Foster, nuffin wrong with a long engagement"**_

_"**Shut up Cal. Do you want coffee?"**_

_"**Only if you come with it, preferably dressed in a crisp, white, frilled pinny, black stockings, black stiletto's…"**_

_"**Are you mocking me Dr Lightman? "**_

_"**As if…."**_

_"_**_Oh you really are a complete bastard sometimes..I don't know how…."_ But she couldn't keep it up, after turning and seeing tears of laughter rolling down his cheeks, her anger completely dissipated, within seconds she was in his arms laughing as much as he was.**

**After about 10 minutes of childlike, totally abandoned laughter, they both chose to make better use of their mouths, and, with growing passion they kissed, and kissed……**

**Only the need for oxygen drew them to unlock from the embrace, both still joined together by every part of their bodies that could touch, their eyes still locked, still communicating all the previously disallowed feelings. **

**Only when he felt he finally had the strength did Cal break the spell.**

_"**Can I take that as a yes then Foster?"**_

_"**I think you should start practicing"**_

**He raised one eyebrow in question.**

**_"That would be Mrs Lightman to you Doctor"_ **

**Determined to wipe the slightly victorious grin of his face, Gillian moved in for another kiss……**

**The END……**


End file.
